can i have a cookie?

Yeah, more or less kicked ass at our invitational. We weren’t competing, but still did awesome. Slightly disappointed for not getting best individual marcher again, this time the winner gets a huge bag of candy. Tough to tell with 1 or 2 judges actually looking for that and 120+ marchers. Maybe next year…

I’ve been arguing for atheism at forums.govteen.com a whole lot lately. Mostly that forums is just 12 and 13 year olds with dumbass questions on sex and girls and crap and I would recommend staying as far away from the puberty forums as possible, but there is some really great discussion going on in the religion forum way down the page. Very good on both sides, for the most part. Christians outnumber atheists by a lot judging by the poll, but most Christians don’t get involved in the debate. I’m going to look for some other teen forums and argue with them. If I can get one person to think about and reconsider their religion, find one person like myself, who was just going with the flow for 14 years, I will be very happy.

I don’t even know why I or any atheist would want to convert people, there is really no reason to for an atheist, unlike for a Christian, but it’s similar to why I would want to be moral and good without a reason like a Christian. It just seems like the right thing to do.

Parents are gone again for the weekend, maybe I’ll get something written.

Had marching band at the football game tonight, our invitational tomorrow night. I am so excited about valleyfest this year, the ‘big’ competition. I’ve heard rumors from reliable sources that we were the best band at the last competition, which is incredible, it means we beat valley, one of the best bands in the state. They really didn’t do that good, though. Good timing since this is our head director’s last year and it would be awesome to send him off with a top 5 placing at valleyfest.

Homecoming was fun, there were some awkward times since this was both of our first times going to a dance with a date even though she was a senior and we’re both kind of introverted, but it turned out good in the end.

They were this morning. I was up at 5:30 so I could be there by 7:15. My mouth tends to get dry when I’m performing so I drank a whole bottle of water in the 20 minutes or so before my audition. It worked, my tone actually sounded pretty good. My solo was probably the best I had ever played it, and I don’t think the etudes could have been much better. Even my first and third scales, Eb and Db went good. The problem was the G scale I played, I had to start over at the top 2 or 3 times.

I was actually optimistic waiting for the recall list. They recalled 9 trombone players total. 4 trombone players from ny school auditioned, and 3 were recalled. I was not one of them.

The worst part about the whole thing is that I don’t have an excuse. I’ve always had an excuse for everything, but this morning, everything was in my favor. I got there with plenty of time to spare, I didn’t warm up too much or too little, I didn’t feel too nervous or tired, I didn’t have to wait outside the center very long, I was performing under completely ideal conditions, and I didn’t even make the callbacks.

So my excuse, (and completely the truth) is that I didn’t practice enough. Because I didn’t. I had all summer to practice my scales, and I didn’t realize how much that practice time would mean to me in a few months. This time, it was completely my fault, and that was kind of a hard thing to cope with for me, I like to blame people, make excuses, and generally sidestep my own faults.

Of course, it wasn’t all in vain. I’ve gained a whole lot of skill and experience from it. Skill and experience that I will apply to jazz band, concert band, solo contest, jazz band auditions in the spring, and marching band.

Plus, there’s always All-state next year.

Marching band.

Wow.

I saw a drum corps t-shirt once that was made to look like a dictionary definition. It said: “To those who know, no explanation is necessary. To those who don’t, no explanation is possible.”

That’s the only way I can explain why anybody would want to be in a marching band, at least our marching band.  Sometimes I don’t even know why I voluntarily get up at 6 every morning before school for 2+ months to practice for 2 hours before school in the cold in preparation for the pep rallys nobody cares about, football halftime shows nobody watches, and the 4 contests (well, one is ours, so we don’t compete) every year.  The biggest contest was last weekend. In the afternoon competition we finished 6th of 13 with the Best Horn Line caption.  10th of 13 in the more competitive night show.  This night show is what I want to talk about.

The head band director is better at giving pep talks than anyone I have ever met.  It’s more than the words he says.  He somehow projects an aura, nearly visible in the dark, of experience and wisdom.  We stand in a courtyard area outside of the high school, and he tells us stories, about his basketball coaching years, back when the school he taught won at state for years in a row, and has never won since a kid named Seamus graduated. ”You are now that band I’ve been waiting for.” he said. “The Seamus band.  The Middle school band system has become better, I have become better, and you are the result. You are the best band I’ve ever had the honor of directing.”

He gave the same speech last year, but somehow, I believed him.  As we marched partway there and stood in the dark, on a hill overlooking the brightly-lit million doller stadium, I believed him.  I believed him as we hit the first FFF, ‘level 10′ as he always said, a push with my trombone line in the front, and the crowd screamed.  Maybe we weren’t the best band there, but, god, non-band members will never understand the feeling.

I pity your deprived souls.